Feeling blah

I feel really wiped out and blah today. I feel like I did right after Sue died and do not like that feeling at all. I am sleepy and feel like someone beat me up and have done nothing other than been through tremendous trauma over the past nearly 16 months. I almost wonder if I am really in depression and don't really realize it. I miss Sue so much and would love to be in a healthy dating relationship but the ones I have seen other than maybe my friend Tracy are unhealthy and would take me downa a path that think would lead me to deeper depression than I am already feeling and really do not need to go anywhere near there.
I am nervous and scared about starting grief counseling tomorrow. I think it is the fear of talking to someone that I have never met other than talking to them on the phone and sharing me with them and seeing if they can help me, it will definitely be interesting and hopefully can really help as well.