Felling blah

I feel really blah today and have a feeling that it is because I am facing going into the new year without Sue. I really do miss her and feel really blah like I just don't want to do anything or go anywhere, and I guess that this is a natural feeling.
I will more than likely watch football tonight and then go to bed and may not even stay up to watch the ball drop, or if I do, I will see it drop and then go to bed.
I am really hoping that 2010 will be a much better year and we can get rid of much of the family trauma that we have dealt with this year.


Depressed this morning

I am kind of depressed this morning. My sister called me around 5:45 telling me that my dad was at the emergency room again and his pneumonia is back with a vengence. It looks like Christmas is going to be spent up at the hospital again and this is not the way I wanted to spend Christmas. I wish that I were in the Bahamas right now and could just disappear. I knew that it was going to be much harder this year because of Sue not being here, but this is getting ridiculous. I know that daddy cannot help it and I cannot help feeling the way that I do and am just praying that God would go ahead and take him home and just let him out of his misery. I think that this would be so much easier on my mom in the long run and the rest of the family even though they do not know it.
When I die, I want to just go like Sue did and not have my family have to worry and watch me die like we have been doing with dad for the past several months. It is just emotionally wiping everyone out and we need a break.


Really wrung out

I feel really wrung out today. Dad is still in the hospital and it looks like this is the end of his life. It has only been a little over nine months since I lost Sue and now am having to deal with all of this emotionally and humanly it is almost more than I can handle. Dad has had a great life and he is a great man and has been a great role model not as a father but as a husband to my mother and after looking at their marriage, I see all of the mistakes I made in my marriage and am praying that I get that second chance.
I miss Sue right now and have told her several times lately I am mad at her for leaving me because I really could use the comfort of her arms right now too.
I know that God is with us all and int he coming days will be with us more than ever, but it doesn't mean that I am really hurting right now and am really chrishing my friends and family right now.