Not feeling good

I think that this one says it all.  I got the staples taken out on Friday and they really pulled and just have not felt good all weekend.  .  The incisions have really stung and the lower one feels really warm to the touch and is really bothering me tonight.  I am hoping I don't have an infection there, but after talking to our church nurse, I know that is highly possible so I have called the surgeon's nurse and left her a message on her voice mail and am hoping she will call me back first thing in the morning. 
If nothing else, maybe I can get an antibiotic called in to my pharmacy and that will take care of the problem.
I did not make it to church this morning and was really disappointed because I wanted to be there with mom, but she definitely understood and checked on me a couple of times and that was good too.  I know she is about ready for all of this moving stuff to be all over and done with and she is definitely going to be here with me for at least a coule of weeks and I think that will be good for both of us.  I know it gets real lonely here and am sure the same thing happens with mom too.
I am happy we were all able to take her out for Mother's Day yesterday and definitely enjoyed Red Robin.  I would go there more often if it were closer to my house, their hamburgers are really good even though they are huge, and mom and I will be going somewhere later in the week.


So excited

I am so excited tonight.  I just learned that Kelly the puppy that I sponsored in Sue's memory will be going back to Southeastern on June 2.  If she passes her In for Training tests, which I have no doubt that she will pass, then she will start her training as a guide dog and that pleases me.
I sponsored her to memorialize Sue and know that she would be just as excited and proud as I am for the way that her raiser, Kayla has done with her.  I know that this has been a positive experience for Kayla and her family and I really hope that she will consider raising more puppies for Southeastern.


One more day

One more day and I will have my nerve stimulator implanted in my spine.  I was so shocked and pleased on Friday when the surgeon's office called letting me know that there had been a cancellation and seeing if I wanted to ahve the surgery on Monday, which I gladly took.
It was definitely an unexpected blessing and by this time tomorrow I should be leaving the hospital heading toward a drive thru and then to mom's house for two days.
After the trial being so successful I am looking forward to the permanent implant doing what it did during the trial and that is a great thing because the relief was so immediate and I felt really good with the stimulation and am so thankful that we are going down this road instead of fusion surgery.
I am just so thankful everything worked out the way that it did and so humbled from all of the people that have been praying for me as well.


Oh what a surprise!!!

Oh what a surprise I received around lunchtime today.  Dr. Toussaint's office called and wanted to know if I could have my surgery Monday morning instead of Wednesday morning, and of course I changed it.  I was so surprised and it was definitely an unexpected blessing and feel very fortunate to have had the date changed.
I had really hoped for the surgery to have been done today, but realized that was totally unrealistic, but Monday is the next best thing to that.  It just goes to show that the Lord definitely takes care of His children and all we have to do is to trust Him.


A better day

It has definitely been a better day other than I have been extremely sleepy all day long.  The added half Perkaset pill has definitely made a difference and I discovered by accident that some of the real pain I was experiencing during the day was due to exercising right now.  I know that riding the bike is definitely good for me, but I get into a groove and just start flying and it seems to be aggravating things instead of helping, so am going to lie low until after I get the stimulator implanted and then will slowly get back to where I was riding.
It is now less than six days until the stimulator is implanted and I am extremely excited about the prospects of what it is going to do for me.


A surgery date

I have a surgery date.  I was kind of hoping for this Friday, but will be having my implant surgery on Wednesday at 7:30 in the morning.  A lot earlier than I would like to be up, but it will be the first surgery on the schedule so that is a good thing too.
It will be an outpatient procedure and barring anything unforseen, I should be back home by lunch=time and that will be good too.  I know that mom will take me and then I will hit a drive through on the way home.  She will go and get her little dog after she gets me settled and then will come back and assume will spend the night with me and even though I think I can handle it myself, I think it will be a good thing that she will be here, I know that you can't be too careful anyhow.
Yesterday and last night I was hurting so badly and Dr. Toussaint upped the amount of Perkaset I can take and just hope I don't run out before surgery, but if I do, then I know he will give me a prescription for more than I have been normally taking and that will be good too.


A better night

It was definitely a better night last night.  I know after getting up my back was aching and think I may be overdoing it a little bit on the bike, so I am definitely having to back off on the tension and the amount of time I am riding.  I am definiteoy looking forward to seeing the neurosurgeon in the mroning and getting this thing scheduled.  I cannot wait to get the stimulator in.
I am really aching right now and will take antoher pill in just a few minutes and will just basically chill out for the rest of the day and see if I can go to bed a little earlier tonight and then should have a better day tomorrow.


Still hurting

This one says it all.  I am still really hurting tonight and just don't know quite what to do about it.  I know I have one more Perkaset I can take and all it seems like it is doing is just barely taking the edge off of the pain, but guess that is better than nothing at all.  I don't see Dr. Toussaint until Wednesday morning and I need the quickest surgery date he can give me for the implant.  there are times that no matter what i do, I just cannot get comfortable and I know how much this chronic pain is effecting my sleep.  I dozed a couple of times while watching tv, but never really took a much needed nap and am hoping I don't get awakened again at 4:30 like I did this morning.
I think the only way I am really making it is from my friends who have been praying for me and I am so humbled to think they would take time out to keep me in pryar so that it can keep me going through all of this.

Still hurting this morning

The title says it all, I am still hurting this morning and my back woke me up around 4:30.  I took my pill around 4:45 and know I could take one now but really would like to wait closer to lunch time to take it.  I will be so glad when I get my surgery date and we go ahead and implant the stimulator to give me the relief I so desperately need.  this has long gotten past frustrating and am going to go and get on the bike for a few minutes to see if that will help me feel better and to limber me up a little bit.
I know that the appointment with the surgeon is not until Wednesday and then who knows when the surgery will be, but am hoping and praying that we can get something in the next two weeks, so until then will have to take my medicine and just ahve to be really careful.


Really hurting

I am really hurting tonight.  It has been a long day and my back woke me up around 4:45 this morning.  I really started hurting during church and took a Perkaset during Sunday School and it was a long afternoon at mom's.  I am so ready to get the stimulator implanted in my back so that the slightest traveling or sitting in church won't make me hurt so badly.  I know this is effecting my sleeping as well and frankly I am tired of being tired and tonight I am to the point of either crying or just being nauseated.  I just don't understand how some people live in chronic pain all of the time because this is getting to me and am getting tired of hearing all of the over hyped Christianese.  I know God is in control and know He is here to help me along, but give me a break, I get so sick and tired of hearing it that it begins to sound fake to me and it's like please live your faith instead of trying to convince me with your over used hype.
I may just go to bed early tonight and see if I can get some sleep.  I guess I have been hurting more the last couple days than I have realized and it is really beginning to wear me down.


Lonely tonight

I guess I am just feeling lonely tonight.  The last couple of weeks have been really painful and my back has really hurt.  I was hoping to have had the implant implanted by now and was happy to have gone to Marie and Jas's wedding, but it took a lot out of me.  I really missed Sue not being there with me and thought back to nearly 13 years ago at our wedding when Marie, who had just turned 14 was a junior bridesmaid in our wedding.  She was so pretty then and was a gorgeous bride.  I just hope they have a happy marriage like Sue and I had.
I think I am lonely because I am so missing her and the house just seems so quiet tonight.  I have a good friend who at some point I would not mind dating and think she would not mind dating me.  We were hoping to get together when I went to Danny's at Christmas, but it just did not work out because it was Christmas weekend and we really would have liked to have gone out somewhere jsut the two of us.  I am really hoping that Dan wants mom and I to come down at some point soon and if we do, then I will call Betsy and we will go out by ourselves at least one time.  This is a very sweet Christian lady whose ex-husband emotionally and verbally abused and for the life of me don't understand because Betsy is a sweetheart.  She is the kind of woman I have been praying for ever since Sue died and if something happened between us, I would have to move to Georgia because that is where her youngest is in school, but don't think that would be too bad in the long run too.
I have been thinking about wanting to date and to be married again a good bit and also know that she has to be the one that God chooses for me and of course has to be a strong Christian and I would not want it any other way.
I really wish that Sue could have been with me at marie's wedding because it was a lovely wedding and know she would have been so proud of marie and how grown up she has become.