Another long night

It was a nother long night. I woke up twice with cramps in my foot and having to go t the bathroom and then around 4:30 I had a cramp in my left foot and had to go to the bathroom and just stayed up, I guess that is better than the night before, but am really getting weary of these long nights as well.
I just wonder if it is what Ihave been going through since Sue's death or the effects of the Prozac as well. I really frustrates me that I am not sleeping as well as I would like to and have been praying that it will end and that I will start getting the rest that i am desiring.


A really long night

Last night was a really long night. I went to bed around 10:00 and woke up around 12:15 and finally took a Tylenol PM around 1:00 and finally drifted off to sleep around 1:45 and then got up around 6:00, so I am dragging this morning and really don't want to drag and since I am going to mom nad dad's today, will just take things easy and maybe see if I can sneak in a nap too.
I am getting really tired of this not sleeping well and am ready for it to come to a screeching halt.


Better sleep

I am finally beginning to get better sleep. Even though we had a terrific thunderstorm late last night, I still got nearly eight hours sleep and I am guessing that the new antibiotic is helping too. I definitely feel better today and ahve just been reading when I ahve not been on the computer and that has made for a great day.


Getting really tired of this

I am really getting tired of not sleeping more than three or four hours a night. I am just getting way too old for this and I really feel like a zomibe this morning. I went to be around 10:30 and woke up around 1:45 and never went back to sleep and needless to say, coffee has been my best friend this morning. I am working on my second pot and will just be taking things easy today as well. I brewed the first pot around 2:45 and the second pot at 9:00, good stuff and hopefully I won't feel like a zombie the rest of the day as well.


Another early morning

Again another early morning. I just do not understand why I can go to sleep so easily and then wake up and not go back to sleep and this is happeneing around 4:00 a.m. and ti is getting really old. It happened again this morning and I am just wanting to go back to bed and not get up but I have church and mom and dad's to go to so it is not going to happen.
I guess when I go back to see Dr. Lobel I need to tell him that this is going on too.


Really frustrated

I am really frustrated this morning. I went to bed right at 11:00 and woke up at 1:00 and have just tossed and turned and am now playing on the computer to see if I can lull my self back to sleep. This is so frustrating that I could literally scream. My sinuses are now back in the same uproar that they were in when I went to see the doctor the other day and that frustrates me too. I was hungry so I got a little snack and that has helped my stomach calm down some too. Maybe I should not have drunk the soda I drank so late and did not even think about it and am going to go and take a Tylenol PM and see if it will knock me out like they normally do.
I will be really glad when all of this comes to a screeching halt and hopefully it will happpen soon.


Still waking up too early

I am really frustrated because I am still waking up much earlier than I would like to. I am really sleepy when I am going to bed, but cannot seem to sleep past 4:00. I hate it but don't know what to do about it and that is what has gotten me really frustrated.
I am going to ride my bike or even get on the treadmill for just a few minutes this morning and see if that will help too and really watch what I am eating too. I think I have been eating too many carbohydrates, especially with refined sugar in them and that has had me really hungry because fo the blood sugar spikes.


A rough night

I did not sleep well last night. I went to bed and crashed hard about 10:30 and about 2)) I woke up and went to the bathroom and was wide awake. I think I finally dozed back off around 5:00 while reading a book or finishing it up. I just feel fried this morning and I ahve things to do to take my mind off of today as well.
It is my 10th anniversary and this is going to be a hard day anyhow, so I will try and stay relatively busy.


Tired out

I feel really tired out today. This sinus thing is definitely getting me down and I have had a bad sinus headache all day long. I just feel woozy and have a feeling that part of this is due to the Prozac as well.
I just feel like I have been running all week long and other than going to church tonight, I have no plans of doing anything and think that might be the best thing that I can do for myself right now too. It has been a very long four months and know that i am in the real grieving process right now and believe me, it hurts. I know that Friday is going to be one really hard day and i am so blessed to have the friends that Ihave in my life right now because they ahve been so sweet, loving and supportive and there is no amount of money on earth that can ever replace that too.
I know that in time, I will be just fine and know that God is with me and is right there beside me and that is the one consolation that I can totally take to the bank right now too.


Utterly exhausted this afternoon

I am utterly exhausted this afternoon. I woke up around 2:30 and went to the bathroom and was hungry and got some cheese and then had a little trouble going back to sleep because I was wide awake and then finally got up at 6:00. I am just exhausted and ahve been gone all day long and am ready to stay home and just relax and read. I got my hair cut and it looks great and was supposed to have gotten a manicure too, but the lady doing it sat on her butt and that really made me mad, but what could i do about it? I am home now waiting on a pizza and am going to eat a couple of pieces of pizza and then relax and read for a while and just enjoy myself.
Yesterday was four months since I lost my precious angel and am glad I finally went to see the doctor as well and I know that it is too soon to see what the Porzac is doing and we will just go from there.


A long day

It has been a really long day today and am glad I went ahead and went to the doctor. I did have a sinus infection and he gave me Amoxicillin for it as well as Prozac fro the depression I have been having. He was not surprised at all by the depression and I am glad I went ahead and went. I realize it is not going to make me feel better overnight, but will help int he long run and that is what I am looking for. he wants to see me in one month to see how well I am doing with it as well. I am just thankful that I recognized the fact aht i needed some sort of help and am getting it to make it through this part of the grieving process. I realize it is a process and the finality of everything ahs been really hard right now especially with our 10th anniversary being this Friday.
I know that God gave me my precious angel and He took her home for some unknown reason and that has been the hardest part because her love was unconditional and I am praying that I can find another lady that loves God and life as deeply as Suye did and of course she has to love dogs and kids too. I still am holding on to the dream fo the family that I feel like God gave me many years ago and know that I am still plenty young enough to have kids and that is exactly what I am praying for.
Mom and I went to lunch and then to the grocery store and let me tell you, after doing all of that, I am tired, but it has been a relatively good day there too.


Really down today

I am really feeling down teary today. I think it is the fact that I am finally realizing that Sue is dead and that she is not coming back. I miss her so much and I think I am finally allowing myself to really grieve over her death. I really am tired of this house feeling so quiet and alone and really wish that I had someone here like her to share my life with. I know I should really be grateful for the time that we had together, but I just do not know how to put into words how badly I am hurting right now. I hear stuff on the radio and see people rthat are so much in love that it absolutely hurts to the point where I just don't want to do anything.
I realize now that i am depressed and am going to do something about it, and think that it is finally time to do something. I am sitting here just sobbing and think that is good too.
I am just so tired of existing and i am really grateful for the friends and family members who have so graciously taken me places and have let me just bear my soul to them as well.
I know that there was a reason somewhere for all of this, but I do not see it at all right now and just knowing that I don't makes me ask God to show me the way a little more clearly. I know I seem like I am rambling, but I don't imagine that matters too.


Kind of down

I have been kind of down for the past few days. I think that much of it has to do with Sue's death and then some of it has to do with the crazy and hot weather that we have been having and my sinuses are torn up and maybe even infected.
I have just been down with no energy and have felt like doing nothing but sleeping and reading. I have finished up my last book on cd and may start reading something that is on my Victor Reader Stream as well. I have enjoyed reading more than I have realized even though I still love playing on the computer more than anything else.
I am going to my doctor on Monday to see about getting something for depression and we will just go from there. My friends andfamily have been extremely supportive and definitely understand why I am depressed and have encouraged me to go and get something even if it is something that I need temporarily.
I think it is time for help and right now since the death of my wife and the running around has finished up, I am just spent and the finality of it all has really come crashing down around me and it is time to do something.