Really down today

I am really feeling down teary today. I think it is the fact that I am finally realizing that Sue is dead and that she is not coming back. I miss her so much and I think I am finally allowing myself to really grieve over her death. I really am tired of this house feeling so quiet and alone and really wish that I had someone here like her to share my life with. I know I should really be grateful for the time that we had together, but I just do not know how to put into words how badly I am hurting right now. I hear stuff on the radio and see people rthat are so much in love that it absolutely hurts to the point where I just don't want to do anything.
I realize now that i am depressed and am going to do something about it, and think that it is finally time to do something. I am sitting here just sobbing and think that is good too.
I am just so tired of existing and i am really grateful for the friends and family members who have so graciously taken me places and have let me just bear my soul to them as well.
I know that there was a reason somewhere for all of this, but I do not see it at all right now and just knowing that I don't makes me ask God to show me the way a little more clearly. I know I seem like I am rambling, but I don't imagine that matters too.

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