A hard couple of days

It has been a really hard couple of days. I found out two days ago that the grave marker is here and we are just waiting on the life insurance to be paid to the cemetery before they lay the marker down. I really have tried to be strong all week long and it really got to me emotionally yesterday and I felt really bad all day long and just really vented and that was good in itself too.
I really did not want to go to church last night but did anyhow and that lifted my spirits and read for a good while before going to bed around 11:30. I slept really well and got up around 6:30 and have been reading and doing computer related stuff all day long. I have been reading an interesting mystery written by Patricia Cornwell and really enjoyed ti too.


I am having a bad day

I am having a really bad day today. I am just feeling really lonely and I miss my angel terribly. I feel better knowing that I wrote her telling her how I felt, but am really frustrated and am sick and tired of feeling this bad. I know that this is all part of the grieving and healing process and have just really let emotions fly this morning and even spouted to a good friend of mine this morning and that was good too. I really appreciate my friends just letting me vent and spout without passing judgment.
I also had a good talk and cry with my mother-in-law and that was good too because she definitely understands when most of the rest of the family has no clue what we are going through too. I really hate it and know that part of me died when I found Sue on that bathroom floor and it is just going to take time that I want to rush by to heal.


A long day

It has ben kind of a long day. I went downtown to work on getting me a new Social Security card because I needed it to apply for Sue's retirement, and found out when we got there that my South Carolina I.D. card had expired, so I got the paperwork for DMV and will send the copy we made and the copy of my I.D. card and just see if that will work.
I also set up the interview for getting the lump sum benefit that is coming to me and have to go and get the copy of my marriage certificate as well and mail it back to them and that should not be any trouble too.
The only deal with downtown Columbia is that the parking is a real nightmare, but we had to walk three blocks there and then back. I was extremely proud of Major because of the great job he did.
After getting home, I called the cemetery and found out that the gravestone has come in but has not been laid down and should be in place by the end of the week or early next week. I am excited that is being done, just not really happy to see it and definitely will be laying pink roses on it after it is laid down. Sue loved her roses and I will make sure that she has some.
One of Sue's aunts and her boyfriend came up from Savannah in his Corvette and he took me home in it, man what a ride as well. I could get used to driving a car like that if I could see to drive as well.


Mixed emotions

I had real mixed emotions yesterday when we got all of the rest of Sue's school stuff out of the big shed. All of this work makes everything seem so final and I guess it really is. I know that she would want people to be able to use the stuff and I need the space. I know that her mom will be coming soon to get the dresser and head board for the bedroom suite and she is going to have it re-finished and use it herself and why not, because it was her mom's and I won't be using it anytime soon because I have my own stuff and some of that is in the little shed too, but will be gotten out soon enough.
I am still waiting on the gravestone to be delivered and put in place and figure that it won't be but a couple of more weeks before we hear something from that too.
I guess like my friend Tiffany who is in the middle of a divorce, I am just really ready to get on with the rest of my life and I find interesting that the girls I thought I was interested in, I am really not and am just praying for the right one to come along. She has to be really special like Sue was. I want to have fun, but am seriously looking for someone that will love me for me and not for what I can become and she needs to have the desire for a family as well as Lay Witness Missions. Seceretly I would love to date and marry Tiffany but she lives outside of Atlanta and has her law practice already set up there. I guess if it was meant to be, it could happen and that wouild not hurt my feelings and don't think it would hurt hers too, but only God really knows what is going to happen there too.


A good week

It has been a really good week. It started with an interview by WIS-TV on Monday talking about donating a good amount of school supplies to BC 1 Elementary and then basically chilling out all week to going to the lawyer's office this morning to sign the paperwork that will be filed for probate. I really think that is going to go smoothly and soon I should have the bulk of the life insurance money as well and that will allow me to pay off the house too.
I am looking forward to the weekend because I will be getting my new lap top tomorrow and then will of course be going to church tomorrow night and then to a concert on Sunday night too.
I am still amazed that it has only been seven weeks since I lost Sue, but am even more amazed at how some days are great and then some absolutely suck, but God has been good and I have made it and am so bleassed to have the friends and family that I have too.


Much accomplished

I got much accomplished. I went to the lawyer's office and got a lot accomplished today. We have probate started and things look good for that since things with us were really simple. I hate that we could not find the original copy of the will. I think we can suffice with a copy of it though and that is more than likely the way that we are going to have to go about it. I was worried about it, but now just think we will work with whatever we have. I was fortunate to find the paperwork for the trailer and that definitely helped.
We were able to go to the district office and give them the death certificate and that was good too and the benefits person there is supposed to also fax the alwyer's office with the account number for the life insurance and we need that for probate. I am so happy that I was able to get so much done and now all I am waiting for is the life insurance to be processed and then be able to pay off my house.

A better night

I definitely had a better night last night. I took a Xanex and a Zertek before I went to bed and slept like a log. I definitely needed that since my sinuses have been in one huge uproar and just feeling depressed over getting the death certificates. I realize that the latter was definitely and esperately needed so that I can get on with life and now I will be going to the lawyer to start probate and also am looking for someone to start dating too.
I will be going to the district office early next week so that we can get the life insurance processed. I am anxious to get the funeral home and cemetery paid off so that I can get the rest of the money and pay the house off as well.


Not sleeping well

I think that it says it all this morning. I did not sleep well at all last night and think it was a combination of my sinuses draining and getting the death certificate yesterday afternoon. I know that I need it to process the life insurance as well as getting probate started which I will be doing tomorrow.
I cannot believe that tomorrow will be six weeks and in some ways things are getting easier, but in many ways it is still really hard and at night it gets really quiet in this house and I hate that.
I am definitely going to try and take a nap at some point this morning too.


A little depressed

I am a little depressed today. The funeral home delivered the death certificates a little while ago and to say the least, that took some of the wind out of my sails. I know that it is necessary to process the life insurance and do the other things that I am going to need to do, but still it makes things so final too.
I am glad that we finally got them, even though I still did not want to see it. I am going to go to the district office as soon as I can get a ride and then go from there.


Becoming final

I got a call from the funeral home this morning telling me that they will be picking up the death certificate this afternoon and will either be delivering them to me or mailing them to me. I know that I am excited about getting things rolling with the paperwork, but am not excited at all about seeing it because it makes things so final and that still really stings.
I really appreciate the way that this place has worked with me and taking care of things for me as well.


Finally getting somewhere

I am finally getting somewhere. I called the funeral home this morning and found out that it might take up to four weeks to get the death certificate and was told if I wanted it faster that I had to call the Department of Health and that is exactly what I did this afternoon, and thankfully it will be ready for them to pick up in the morning and when they call me, I will see if they can send it to the Dunbar Road location and either I will go and get it or see if they will bring it to me and am sure that they will. This will get me on the road to processing the life insurance as well as starting to get everything else done that I need to do as well and that will be good.
I am going to call my attorney in the morning to see aobut a couple of things including probate and I may not have to go through that and that will be just fine with me if I do not have to mess with that and will be cheaper as well.
Things are looking up even though I am not looking forward to seeing the death certificate, but also realize that it is necessary.

A rough day

I thought that I was going to be all right handling Easter yesterday, but it was much harder than I would have ever imagined happening. It was just emotionally hard not having Sue there with me especially at my parents house, but I survived and now I am awake after going to the bathroom and am going to go and try and get a few more hours sleep.
I know that this is all part of the process and I have had several good days and knew that this would more than likely be hard, and it was definitely harder than I thought it was going to be, but definitely made it through.
I learned how to use my washing machine and have washed one load of clothes already and will dry them after having breakfast and coffee as well.


Really tired tonight

I am really tired tonight and think it is because I woke up so early this morning. I am going to try the Melotonen that mom got me starting tonight and just see how well this will work over the long haul. I am just sleepy and had a great supper. I ordered the macaroni and cheese with bacon from Pizza Hut and it was really pretty tasty and have plenty of leftovers and may even freeze what I don't eat before I go out of town on Friday. I am definitely looking forward to going to the mountains and even got my hiar cut today and that felt really great.

Just venting

I am just venting right now because I have had trouble finding Major's heartworm medication this morning. I know that my well meaning mother-in-law moved it and it took me three or four times to find where it was located. Now don't get me wrong, I have appreciated the help, but am tired of people putting things where I cannot find them, that is really beginning to piss me off.
I think otherwise I have had a decent day even though I woke up way too early and am looking forward to getting my hair cut in a little while too. Mom is on the way and I think I will just hit a drive thru on the way and pick up a sandwich.

Up too early

I think that this one says it all. I am up too early, but at 4:30, I just could not sleep any longer. I had a good glass of wine before I went to bed and because of the changes in my system after gastric bypass, it really buzzed me, but went to sleep pretty fast, but got up a little over an hour after I went to bed to go to the bathroom, but went back to sleep and then am now up and it is much earlier than I would really like it to be.
I have coffee going and will just go and watch the news for right now since I have already checked my email. I am looking forward to getting my hair cut later on this morning and may order either a pizza or pasta from Pizza zHut for supper because I am getting kind of tired of everything that is here in the house as well and since I am going out of town for a week on Friday morning, I really don't want much in the refrigerator too. I have some things I can eat, but am getting kind of tired of them and have only been out to eat one time since Sue died and for me, that is some sort of a record as well.I am just going to hang in there and am really jazzed that I am also going to be getting the death certificate soon as well.