A frustrating morning

I am really frustrated this morning. A lady on a blind singles list I am on called to vent and this person is so high maintenance that it is not even funny. Everytime I went to say something, she just bullied her way and talked over me. If she calls again and does this, I am just going to have to ask er to let me in the conversation or not call me back. I feel like I ahve been hit with a sledge hammer and it is not even 10:00 yet.
I know that she was accused of being rude on a conference call and if she acted there like she did to me this morning, I would have to concur with that assessement. I finally had to tell her that I had to go because I had laundry to get in the washing machine and needed two hands. It worked out perfectly because I missed things that had to be washed and was happy to have gotten off of the phone and set up the talking caller I.D. in case she calls back and it will even tell me who is beeping me on my call waiting. I am almost getting to the point where I don't answer the call waiting. I hate that stuff and it is a real pain.
I feel tired already and I am trying to get laundry done and guess I need to go and get some work in the kitchen done.
I wasn't going to get on the bike or treadmill, but at this point it might take away some of the stress I am feeling right now.

Really frustrated tonight

I am really frustrated tonight. I have been trying something that my doctor recommended and it is not working like I would have thought it would have. He told me to cut the Ambian tablets in half and take it for seven days and then take Metellolen and that is not working. I tossed and turned for about one hour, so got up and took a full tablet and it is beginning to work.
I am just hoping that I am not getting addicted to this drug, but it is the only thing that has helped me sleep since Sue died last year and plan on talking to Kathy about it in the morning when I have my counseling session with her. I really like her and she has given me real perspective on my life and that is a great thing and am hoping that talking about this to her will work too so we will wait and see.

Less than six weeks

Less than six weeks now until I sail for the Carribean. I have been looking forward to this since October and cannot wait to go.
It is something I have never done before and am looking at it like a big adventure and that will be fun. Of course Major will be going withme and would never even think about doing something like this without my boy, so it shouldbe fun.
Counseling seems to be going well and has given me a good perspective on my grief and life in general and for that I am thankful too.

Feeling better

I am beginning to feel better. I really think that the grief counseling is giving me perspective on things and that is great. I think I ahve needed it and I really do like Kathy my counselor because she is so easy to talk to and is so non-judgmental; and that is what i need.
I have no idea how much longer I will need her services, but know that she is there when I need her and that is a great thing too.

Frustrated tonight

I am really frustrated tonight. I laid down with a book to put me to sleep like they normally do and am wide awake. I took the Melatonein and am still very much wide awake and do not like it. I am planning on refilling my Ambian as early as I can in the morning and seeing if a friend of mine can go and pick it up for me. This is crazy and I really thought I was ready to go to bed and now that I ahve gone, sleep will not come and that just frustrates the heck out of me as well.
I am definitely planning on calling Kathy my counselor first thing in the mroning and am tempted to call her tonight and leave her a message on her phone so that she will see it when she comes in in the mroning to see if she can give me some really good avice.
I know God knows what is going on and has won the victory but am so tired of all of this and am really ready for the roller coaster to be all over and done with and I really need to be rested when the field representative from the school comes on Thursday as well.

Feeling blah

I feel really wiped out and blah today. I feel like I did right after Sue died and do not like that feeling at all. I am sleepy and feel like someone beat me up and have done nothing other than been through tremendous trauma over the past nearly 16 months. I almost wonder if I am really in depression and don't really realize it. I miss Sue so much and would love to be in a healthy dating relationship but the ones I have seen other than maybe my friend Tracy are unhealthy and would take me downa a path that think would lead me to deeper depression than I am already feeling and really do not need to go anywhere near there.
I am nervous and scared about starting grief counseling tomorrow. I think it is the fear of talking to someone that I have never met other than talking to them on the phone and sharing me with them and seeing if they can help me, it will definitely be interesting and hopefully can really help as well.

I think I have been depressed

I came to the realization this afternoon that I think I have been more depressed more than I would have ever admitted to. I know that death of my dad coupled with the death of Sue last year has really done something to me and God really revealed that to me today. I am still seeking the fellowship of a lady and started talking to someone last night that I could fall in love with. Dana is still young enough to have children and she is looking for someone who is a Christian and just wants to be loved like I want and need to be loved and that is for who she is and not what she can become. It is a shame that she lives in Richmond, but that can be worked around as well if it is meant to be and God is in it.
I talked to her for over an hour last night and we both shared with each other via email that we were people that we wanted to get to know better and that made me really happy and think it made her as happy. I do not care if who I date or marry is blind or not, I just want to share me with a Christian lady who loves me and loves God and then loves life as well.
I have really missed not only being married but being able to share me with someone and when life has been hard just to be able to hold that person in my arms as well. It will be interesting to see where God is not only taking this relationship but me as well.