Having problems getting to sleep

I have been having problems getting to sleep lately. I am sure that it is the holidays and am really missing Sue. I think I will be calling my doctor in the morning and seeing about getting a prescription for something to help me sleep. I had to do this right after Sue died, and have not had anything for several months because I think I was too dependent on it. I have also been having problems with the cold and damp weather effecting the arthritis in my back and knee and that is not fun either, so I will just see what I can get done about it. I am ready to get to sleep right now and waiting for the Perkased to take effect and hopefully I will not be as groggy in the morning as I was this morning.

Missing my Angel

I have really been missing my sweet Angel lately. I guess that is why some nights it has been really hard to get to sleep and some nights I have awakened at 4:30 in the morning and that is no fun at all.
I am sure that the holidays are exaserbating these feelings and the holidays were always so much fun for us and we enjoyed spending it with family as well, and that really hurst because she is not here. I know two years ago when my feelings were really raw, dad was near death so i just pushed my feelings aside and then last year I was in the hospital recovering from major back surgeryand it would have been so nice if she had been able to be there with me while I was in the hospital and know that she would have been if she had been alive, so this year it seems harder than maybe I was hoping it was going to.
I am just thankful for the friends that I have and the church that I am in right now and thankful that these people have kept me going for nearly the past three years as well.

Really missing Sue today

I am really missing Sue today. I watched a Hallmark movie that I recorded Sunday night and it was the kind of movie that I would have watched with my wife. We loved sitting on the couch sharing popcorn and watching a good sappy and family oriented movie like the Lost Valentine. I guess I ahve been suppressing feelings I have had and today more than lately really miss not only the love that we shared, but the companionship of a loving woman.
I really miss being married and I guess with this being February and Valentine's Day almost being here, I want someone in my life to share it with and knwo that even sitting here I have not voiced that to the Lord like I need to. It gets so lonely here and quiet here that I can hardly stand it and then there are some days rthat I am just fine.
I know that I am dealing with things much better than when she died nearly two years ago, but then after interacting with people who have lost spouses, I feel like I am starting all over again at times too, and maybe that is a good reminder of what I had and what I truly lost.
I think that this must be God's way of reminding me that He is always there to take care of me and that he will provide for me int he right time and I need to depend on Him even that much more.

Emotionally exhausted

I went to a greif share group last night and was emotionally exhausted. I felt like in many ways I was re-living the day that Sue died and maybe that was a good thing.
I see good things coming out of this group and there is a guy in the group that lost his wife less than six months ago and he seems so lost and I so feel for him because he is right now where I was nearly two years ago and some days even feel that way when no one is around.
I really think that there will be some good in the groupand hope I can help someone with what I have already been through as well as being helped as I still go through the journey of grief as well.

Hurting tonight

I am hurting tonight. My leg has been hurting all day long and this is getting really old. I am really trying to be patient waiting on the doctor's office to call with the referral appointment. I don't care what they do at this point and that includes putting me in a body cast after surgery just to get some relief. I am frustrated because I don't feel like doing anything. I have laundry that needs attention and a few dishes that need washing as well. My friend Kim is supposed to be here tomorrow, but have no idea what time because she has not called or emailed me yet and that is hrribly frustrating as well.
She told me she would call me some time today and ahve not ehard anything and think that is kind of rude. With my luck it will be after I get in the be which won't be anytime soon and guess I just need the time to myself this evening.

Vry frustrated

I am frustrated right now. I told mom if we wanted to get lunch before my MRI appointment, then she needed to be here at 11:30 and it is nearly that now and called her on her phone but have not heard back from her. I don't knwo if she is on the phone with someone else or if her phone is not receiving calls well, and that could be very possible sice we are both on Verizon at the moment. I know I need to be at the hospital around 12:30 for the paperwork and then ahve the MRI at 1:00 and would really like to get a bite to eat before it starts. Hopefully I will be hearing from her in the next few minutes.

Counseling is over

I am finally done with the grief counseling, but must say it was a good experience. I am really fortunate to ahve had such a nice lady that was such a strong Christian but never shoved her Christianity down my throat. It has really given me the perspective that I so badly needed and know that last year this time I would not have been ready or receptive to it as well.
I am tired tonight and my leg is really hurting. I cannot wait until I have the MRI done and find out how bad things really are in my back. I am sure that the experience of the MIR is not necessarily going to be fun, but that is ok too.