Really tired

I am just wonr out this evening. First of all I hate the new time change and ams ure it will take my body several days to get used to this, but think more importantly, I am just emotionally drained. I went back out to mom and dad's today and dad is nobetter and just wish that mom would tell him that it is ok for him to go ahead and die. He is suffering so badly and in some ways I don't think that mom sees it at all.
Between dad not doing well and celebrating Sue's death last weekend, I am emotionally and physically drained and am begging God for the roller coaster to go ahead and end. I am also struggling with what to do about church because John is just not feeding any of us and I am longing for something more than that is there and just don't know what to do about it and am afraid that I am going to hurt feelings, but see no way around it because I have got to start getting fed or there is no reason to go to church, and I don't like that attitude because I need the fellowship and the teaching from the Bible, so who knows what is going on.
I miss my wife and wish that she was here with me to share all of the pain of what seems to be going on with dad. I am sure that I am looking for someone to share my love and life with and just have not seen that too.