This one says it all. I am still really hurting tonight and just don't know quite what to do about it. I know I have one more Perkaset I can take and all it seems like it is doing is just barely taking the edge off of the pain, but guess that is better than nothing at all. I don't see Dr. Toussaint until Wednesday morning and I need the quickest surgery date he can give me for the implant. there are times that no matter what i do, I just cannot get comfortable and I know how much this chronic pain is effecting my sleep. I dozed a couple of times while watching tv, but never really took a much needed nap and am hoping I don't get awakened again at 4:30 like I did this morning.
I think the only way I am really making it is from my friends who have been praying for me and I am so humbled to think they would take time out to keep me in pryar so that it can keep me going through all of this.
4/23/12
Still hurting this morning
The title says it all, I am still hurting this morning and my back woke me up around 4:30. I took my pill around 4:45 and know I could take one now but really would like to wait closer to lunch time to take it. I will be so glad when I get my surgery date and we go ahead and implant the stimulator to give me the relief I so desperately need. this has long gotten past frustrating and am going to go and get on the bike for a few minutes to see if that will help me feel better and to limber me up a little bit.
I know that the appointment with the surgeon is not until Wednesday and then who knows when the surgery will be, but am hoping and praying that we can get something in the next two weeks, so until then will have to take my medicine and just ahve to be really careful.
I know that the appointment with the surgeon is not until Wednesday and then who knows when the surgery will be, but am hoping and praying that we can get something in the next two weeks, so until then will have to take my medicine and just ahve to be really careful.
4/22/12
Really hurting
I am really hurting tonight. It has been a long day and my back woke me up around 4:45 this morning. I really started hurting during church and took a Perkaset during Sunday School and it was a long afternoon at mom's. I am so ready to get the stimulator implanted in my back so that the slightest traveling or sitting in church won't make me hurt so badly. I know this is effecting my sleeping as well and frankly I am tired of being tired and tonight I am to the point of either crying or just being nauseated. I just don't understand how some people live in chronic pain all of the time because this is getting to me and am getting tired of hearing all of the over hyped Christianese. I know God is in control and know He is here to help me along, but give me a break, I get so sick and tired of hearing it that it begins to sound fake to me and it's like please live your faith instead of trying to convince me with your over used hype.
I may just go to bed early tonight and see if I can get some sleep. I guess I have been hurting more the last couple days than I have realized and it is really beginning to wear me down.
I may just go to bed early tonight and see if I can get some sleep. I guess I have been hurting more the last couple days than I have realized and it is really beginning to wear me down.
4/21/12
Lonely tonight
I guess I am just feeling lonely tonight. The last couple of weeks have been really painful and my back has really hurt. I was hoping to have had the implant implanted by now and was happy to have gone to Marie and Jas's wedding, but it took a lot out of me. I really missed Sue not being there with me and thought back to nearly 13 years ago at our wedding when Marie, who had just turned 14 was a junior bridesmaid in our wedding. She was so pretty then and was a gorgeous bride. I just hope they have a happy marriage like Sue and I had.
I think I am lonely because I am so missing her and the house just seems so quiet tonight. I have a good friend who at some point I would not mind dating and think she would not mind dating me. We were hoping to get together when I went to Danny's at Christmas, but it just did not work out because it was Christmas weekend and we really would have liked to have gone out somewhere jsut the two of us. I am really hoping that Dan wants mom and I to come down at some point soon and if we do, then I will call Betsy and we will go out by ourselves at least one time. This is a very sweet Christian lady whose ex-husband emotionally and verbally abused and for the life of me don't understand because Betsy is a sweetheart. She is the kind of woman I have been praying for ever since Sue died and if something happened between us, I would have to move to Georgia because that is where her youngest is in school, but don't think that would be too bad in the long run too.
I have been thinking about wanting to date and to be married again a good bit and also know that she has to be the one that God chooses for me and of course has to be a strong Christian and I would not want it any other way.
I really wish that Sue could have been with me at marie's wedding because it was a lovely wedding and know she would have been so proud of marie and how grown up she has become.
I think I am lonely because I am so missing her and the house just seems so quiet tonight. I have a good friend who at some point I would not mind dating and think she would not mind dating me. We were hoping to get together when I went to Danny's at Christmas, but it just did not work out because it was Christmas weekend and we really would have liked to have gone out somewhere jsut the two of us. I am really hoping that Dan wants mom and I to come down at some point soon and if we do, then I will call Betsy and we will go out by ourselves at least one time. This is a very sweet Christian lady whose ex-husband emotionally and verbally abused and for the life of me don't understand because Betsy is a sweetheart. She is the kind of woman I have been praying for ever since Sue died and if something happened between us, I would have to move to Georgia because that is where her youngest is in school, but don't think that would be too bad in the long run too.
I have been thinking about wanting to date and to be married again a good bit and also know that she has to be the one that God chooses for me and of course has to be a strong Christian and I would not want it any other way.
I really wish that Sue could have been with me at marie's wedding because it was a lovely wedding and know she would have been so proud of marie and how grown up she has become.
12/7/11
Really scared
I am really scared. Ever since Sue died I really was looking for someone to date and then to get married again, and yes I would not mind that coming true but on my terms and even on God's terms. I have a good friend that emailed me last week and told me she was attracted to me. The problem is that I am not attracted to her like she is to me and just don't know how to handle it.
I have been praying to make sure that this is right and have not gotten my answer yet, and then today about lunchtime Tracy texted me and told me she was thinking about me today, and that really blew me away. I had no idea what to say back so I told her I thought they were good thoughts and hoped she was doing well because she deals with really bad migranes.
I really hope that I did not hurt her feelings, but it shocked me and after having some bad situations with women coming on to me, I just do not know how to handle this. I would never hurt Tracy in one million years, but am not attracted to her at all right now and just do not know how to tell her.
There is another blind lady that I correspond with and really like her better, so who knows how it will work out and Betsy seems to be more settled.
I have been praying to make sure that this is right and have not gotten my answer yet, and then today about lunchtime Tracy texted me and told me she was thinking about me today, and that really blew me away. I had no idea what to say back so I told her I thought they were good thoughts and hoped she was doing well because she deals with really bad migranes.
I really hope that I did not hurt her feelings, but it shocked me and after having some bad situations with women coming on to me, I just do not know how to handle this. I would never hurt Tracy in one million years, but am not attracted to her at all right now and just do not know how to tell her.
There is another blind lady that I correspond with and really like her better, so who knows how it will work out and Betsy seems to be more settled.
11/29/11
Having problems getting to sleep
I have been having problems getting to sleep lately. I am sure that it is the holidays and am really missing Sue. I think I will be calling my doctor in the morning and seeing about getting a prescription for something to help me sleep. I had to do this right after Sue died, and have not had anything for several months because I think I was too dependent on it. I have also been having problems with the cold and damp weather effecting the arthritis in my back and knee and that is not fun either, so I will just see what I can get done about it. I am ready to get to sleep right now and waiting for the Perkased to take effect and hopefully I will not be as groggy in the morning as I was this morning.
11/25/11
Missing my Angel
I have really been missing my sweet Angel lately. I guess that is why some nights it has been really hard to get to sleep and some nights I have awakened at 4:30 in the morning and that is no fun at all.
I am sure that the holidays are exaserbating these feelings and the holidays were always so much fun for us and we enjoyed spending it with family as well, and that really hurst because she is not here. I know two years ago when my feelings were really raw, dad was near death so i just pushed my feelings aside and then last year I was in the hospital recovering from major back surgeryand it would have been so nice if she had been able to be there with me while I was in the hospital and know that she would have been if she had been alive, so this year it seems harder than maybe I was hoping it was going to.
I am just thankful for the friends that I have and the church that I am in right now and thankful that these people have kept me going for nearly the past three years as well.
I am sure that the holidays are exaserbating these feelings and the holidays were always so much fun for us and we enjoyed spending it with family as well, and that really hurst because she is not here. I know two years ago when my feelings were really raw, dad was near death so i just pushed my feelings aside and then last year I was in the hospital recovering from major back surgeryand it would have been so nice if she had been able to be there with me while I was in the hospital and know that she would have been if she had been alive, so this year it seems harder than maybe I was hoping it was going to.
I am just thankful for the friends that I have and the church that I am in right now and thankful that these people have kept me going for nearly the past three years as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)