The grave marker is down

I got a call this afternoon from the cemetery telling me that the grave marker was laid down this morning and I ahve real mixed feelings. I feel like I really need to go and see it but don't want to see it if that makes any sense at all. I know that it is the finality of the thing and I know that Sue is not there but it is her resting place too and I am trying to preserve her memory to the best of my ability and I need to at least go there on occasions.
I am going to get the cemetery to place flowers for me and just bill it to the credit card and that will work and then I won't have to go and find them. If they will put a spring bouqet that is mostly pink will really work. She loved roses and pink was her favorite. I really do miss her and just have a problem not wanting to go by the grave as well.

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