I was talking to a really close friend a little while ago and was talking about Sue and I started reflecting on her. I am really missing her and am keeping music in the house on because I am lonely and really miss being married to her. I am not only missing the physical contact I had with her, but I am a sexual being and I miss the sex too, and I want it really badly.
I was reflecting why I fell in love with her and she was one of the most loving people I have ever met in my life and it did not matter that I could not see or not and even when I lost my vending route, she never pushed me to get another job because she knew that I had my disability and I was still contributing to the household too. I really miss seeing her interact with our nieces and nephews because she had a gift of interacting with kids better than anyone else I have ever met and I know that her love for kids came as a teen-ager and I know that something inside of her died when she had utirine cancer and had to have a total hysterectomy several years ago. She had to let her dream die of having a family and we were not able to adopt like we had planned and hoped as well, and I know that did something to her and always wanted to be around especially the younger nieces and nephews.
She had a love for teaching as well. It was her calling and her profession. I know that she got really aggravated with all of the politicss of the school system, but I can never remember a time when she wanted to give up teaching. She was good at it and brought it home most of the time and there were many times when I wished that she could have left it at the school, but that was Sue.
She was never a great housekeeper and I think that she was so depressed that at times she just did not care, but we are working on that too and the house looks really nice right now too.
I know that I was running90 miles an hour today and in some ways that is good, but I really needed to slow down and really give myself time to breathe and remember my sweet angel.
I found out yesterday that the grave marker sketch came back and the angel we picked out looks great and will be put down by Mother's Day, and I cannot wait to put flowers on it too.